Funny Lawsuits That Went to Trial
Agreeable Trial Transcripts
by Jamison Koehler on May eleven, 2012
Back when I was a public defender, my office mate used to come across me reading transcripts from courtroom hearings I had done – from either a trial or a preliminary hearing – and kid me. I idea I was being conscientious, working hard to make myself a better lawyer. He idea I was beingness vain.
Obviously he hadn't read many of my transcripts.
For every fourth dimension in which yous had the witness in the palm of your hand, fulfilling your vision of yourself equally the next Clarence Darrow, in that location are many other times in which you stumbled over a question or missed a possible area of inquiry. And, of form, witnesses as well have their moments.
Since I hope to starting time posting more trial transcript excerpts here, I thought I would brainstorm with some of the agreeable – and supposedly true – ones pulled from the Net. I found the following ones on Legal Antics, Funny Courtroom Exchanges, and Miles.uni.cc.
Dumb Questions
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-twelvemonth-old, how old is he?
Q: Where you lot nowadays when your film was taken?
Q: Was information technology yous or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
Q: Did he kill you?
Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the standoff?
Q: You were at that place until the time yous left, is that true?
Q: How many times accept you committed suicide?
Question with Dumb Response
Q: All of your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
____
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every yr.
____
Q: What gear were in you at the moment of impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____
Q: Did you accident your horn or annihilation?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Certain, I played for x years. I fifty-fifty went to school for it.
____
Q: Y'all were not shot in the fracas?
A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
Dumb Question with Smart Response
Q: Physician, before y'all performed the dissection, did you bank check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you lot bank check for claret pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did y'all check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: Then, and then is it possible that the patient was alive when yous began the dissection?
A: No.
Q: How tin you be so sure, Doc?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient accept notwithstanding been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could accept been alive and practicing law somewhere.
____
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
____
Q: I take information technology that earlier this blow happened y'all lived with your brother-in-police force and sister for about six months?
A: Yes.
Q: Y'all got to know him quite well?
A: Aye.
Q: And you lot saw him collaborate with your sister, and I believe they had one child?
A: I didn't see the bodily interaction, merely they did have ane child.
Impaired Question with No Response
Q: And then the appointment of the baby's formulation was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: What were yous doing at the time?
____
Q: This myasthenia gravis – does information technology affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: In what means does it affect your retentiveness?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give u.s.a. an example of something yous've forgotten?
____
Q: You say the stair went downward to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they also go upwardly?
Question with Surprising Response
Q: What was the first matter your hubby said to y'all when you woke that Thursday?
A: He said, "where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Simply Said
Defendant: Judge, I want another public defender, because this homo is incontinent.
And My All-Time Favorite:
Q: Are you sexually agile?
A: No. I just kind of lie there.
Source: https://koehlerlaw.net/2012/05/amusing-trial-transcripts/
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